Sunday, April 13, 2008

Tom Hanks

Dear Adam,

I haven't won an Oscar in a long time. I've tried everything. I'm a really good actor, and I've been in a LOT of really good movies. What does a guy have to do to get a third statuette? I'd appreciate whatever advice you could give me. Thanks,

T. Hanks (yeah, I know, my first initial and last name spell "Thanks." Brilliant observation, Advice Guy. Sheesh.)

Tom,

Whoa, dude, back off on the parenthetical sarcasm. I'm here to help. The reason you aren't getting a chance to pull any acceptance speeches out of your tuxedo jacket is simple: you've become predictable. You keep making these mega-popular, critically acclaimed movies. If you want to say hello to Oscar one more time, you've got to take the role no one is expecting (or even wanting) you to make:

Turner and Hooch II. Seriously, Tom, that movie is 15 years overdue.

You're welcome.

1 comment:

The Bare's said...

How about more action with Joe and the Volcano? I think we're all looking for that. What about a movie he takes some Ambien in Seattle, or miraculously beats aids in the city of brotherly love and then goes on to become a skinny white boxing legend who beats Apollo Creed? We can call it HIV TKO. Sweet.

M